


healing needed

by EKmisao



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, extended ending spoilers, just so we're clear you know that this is original story ending material, original story spoilers, some nsfw, special ending spoilers, sweater iteration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-04-14 11:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14135187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EKmisao/pseuds/EKmisao
Summary: [Original Story special ending spoilers] Meeting one of the strongest players on the server was just the beginning, when both of them need healing from many scars.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some backstory. I bought this fan comic from rosa_licht about this pairing some weeks back, and I could not get it out of my head. So here I am trying to make a story about it. If someone has done this before, I promise I'm not copying anybody. I just needed to get it out of my head. 
> 
> I know this is an unusual pairing (maybe it's not too unusual if it's on the given relationship lists but okay), but I hope you like this the way I did.

SPOILER FOR ORIGINAL STORY SPECIAL ENDINGS  
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It was a small post at the official message boards, the first time I saw it. Then the original post grew longer and longer, until everyone knew about it, or at least wondered about it. 

There was an adventurer-class player, walking around the expanse of the LOLOL worlds, traveling alone and powering-up alone, killing enemies in ever-rising levels alone. His character also died and regenerated alone, but he kept moving up in the rankings anyway. Most players quickly made friends in the game, both for itself, but also to survive. Enemies were intentionally built to be taken down by a party of players, after all. But this player just kept moving up, working alone. 

Many players had already passed by this adventurer, impressed by the stats and ability. But when any player invited the adventurer into a party, the adventurer always declined. Not refused, as most hastened to add. The player was a strange kind of polite, answering all messages nicely, but also always saying no. He had also declined several players inviting him to national competitions. He just wanted to play, he had answered, and was not interested in national exposure. 

Some higher players had asked mods and admins to check that the adventurer was not cheating in a new and different way. But several mods had replied: they had already checked into that strange player and found everything above-board, for someone who didn't pay for extras. There was no signs of hacking, no signs of overclocking. There was also no signs of the player trying to hack and acquire paid-for items. The player was just imbalanced that way. The player was just playing at any and all hours that way, racking up points, gold, and levels that way. 

The adventurer's username: Unknown. I mean, that was the username. 

I and the RFA have history with that username, and I didn't want to know if it was the same person. After all, who was stopping anyone else from using that? 

But the username was rising in the ranks, and could no longer be ignored. 

# 

"How IS Saeran, by the way, Seven?" I asked him, both on the messenger and sometimes as a call. 

Seven told me Saeran was okay, as it were. Most of the moods had stabilized into something liveable, so that Seven was able to go back to his usual work, doing white-hat hacking for C&R and still helping that information agency he was part of. 

But that didn't mean Saeran was okay yet. He kept being aimless, staying at the apartment, not knowing what to do with himself. He spent the time playing console games, quickly finishing them, or sleeping at all hours. Often he played LOLOL at odd hours. 

"Oh, cool," I said. "Which server and which area?" 

It changed pretty often, Seven said, as far as he could tell. Saeran did not stay in one place in-game for long. It was like he just wandered around, because he did not want to be wandering around streets and alleys in real life. 

"He doesn't know what to do," he said. "And I don't know what to tell him, or what to get him into." 

I knew that feeling quite well. 

#

It was a normal school night when I first saw him myself. 

I was walking around the game alone, getting myself sleepy while getting some more points and coins. My party had dissembled for the night, my online friends had said their see-you-next-time's. 

Just my luck that as soon as all of my friends said goodnight, a strong warrior troll appears. 

The stats were to the roof. Strength and resilience were high. In mage mode, I was not crazy enough to engage, so I started running out of the troll's range. 

But as I and several others players were moving away, one player was moving FORWARD. 

Message balloons were popping around me, yelling toward the adventurer charging forward. 

[That's a level 99! Do not engage!] 

[You're not in a party! You're dead meat!] 

But the adventurer didn't....well, read through the message balloons. He kept charging forward. 

Everyone else around me, especially those with low health bars, ran farther and farther away from the expected carnage. 

But I saw who the adventurer was: username Unknown. 

Was it...him? 

A part of me needed to know. 

I ran forward. 

The adventurer-class avatar was not the showiest. If anything, the armor and cape made the avatar disappear as much as possible, rather than stand out. But the stat bar beside him was coloured and full, with very high numbers. 

All the same, the warrior troll was large and strong and impregnable, definitely not a monster to face alone, no matter how many healing potions he had in his stocks. A party was needed for this, one with strong concentrated attacks and a very well-armed healer. It was certain that even with all his skill and stats, this adventurer was going down. 

I didn't want that to happen. 

I ran as close to his range as I could get, and moused for the strongest, longest-general-range healing spell I had. 

The adventurer had a longbow as a secondary, and took that out to start the solo attack. But the troll raised a club, and brought it down. 

The adventurer jumped away, but was scathed. Several bars sunk down. 

I threw a quick burst of healing his way. 

He pulled back, as his avatar's health bars filled a bit, thank goodness, and a message balloon appeared. [Thank you, but I require no assistance.] 

[OF COURSE YOU NEED HELP!] All caps. I knew it and I knew he knew it. [Username: yoosung-star. We're introduced. Now let me help you!] 

The adventurer avatar unsheathed his sword, one of the strongest in the arsenal, with added strength builds. Very impressive piece of metal. But still that it wouldn't be able to handle that troll alone. A message balloon appeared. [Do not worry about me.] 

[I won't interfere with your attack], I told him, [but let me keep the health bar up. Deal?] 

The adventurer took out a spell bomb, and threw. Several bars on the troll moved lower, but not by much. The troll also raised his magic-laced club again. 

The troll grazed him again, making the stat bars go red. 

I didn't wait for a yes. I threw a healing spell, knowing he was the only one within range, and would thus get it all. 

As I expected, the adventurer was armed with spells and bags of things, as I saw the stat bars raise up slowly. Enough to survive, but not enough to finish off the enemy. [Do not worry about me.] he repeated. 

[You won't survive him alone], I told him again. [Just let me handle the heals, okay?] 

He pulled back, bringing out potions and raising stats. 

But I saw a message balloon. 

[Okay.] 

Yes. 

I was true to my word, firing healing spells and throwing heal positions in his direction, as the adventurer darted in and thrust his sword, then pulled back and threw magic spells. I canceled any stun spells that were thrown in retaliation, letting him attack and parry as much as he liked. He attacked in every direction and every part the game programming allowed him to attack, wounding and injuring from all sides. 

And sooner than my best expectations (I had expected at least thirty minutes of pure battle), the troll tottered, and fell to his feet. 

I just blinked at my monitor, just realising that one of the strongest enemies in this LOLOL server was down, in less than fifteen minutes, with only two players in the party. 

A message balloon appeared over the adventurer. [Thank you.] 

I grinned. He really was strange but polite. [Anytime. :) ] 

The last time I saw this bravado and this skill, I got a crazy call: "Top one player in Korea is in the house, woohoo!" 

And I realized, I knew this style. 

I opened the direct-messaging window, and hailed him. 

[I have seen this kind of skill only once before], I typed. I should know; I was given all the hoots and parading by the one who did it. I rolled my eyes at it all, but I also knew that he never revealed himself to anyone else on the wide expanse of the game. So I knew this pattern, this level of quietly incredible skill, this kind of secrecy. [I will only ask once, and I will not tell anyone else what your answer is.] 

Three dots danced for a while. 

Then a response. [Okay. The question?]

I asked. Directly. I wanted the truth. [You're 707's brother. Yes?] 

I used Seven's name on the nets, even if we now knew his real name, as well as that of his brother's. I just wanted to be careful. But I also needed to know. 

The three dots danced again, for more than half a minute. So I added: [It's okay. If I'm wrong, and I'm mistaking you for my friend's relation, it's okay. I won't bother you anymore. It's okay. I just want to say, it was an honor to run into you, to meet someone so skilled at LOLOL, at so short a time. You're incredible. And now I won't bother you anymore.] 

But a reply came, soon after that message. 

[You are correct, Kim Yoosung.] 

OH. 

I didn't know what to feel, all of a sudden. I was not surprised he knew who I was; he was a black-hat hacker at the level of the best half-white-hat-half-black-hat hacker in my country, after all. My information was already had on his brother's messenger. I was not scared of that. 

But...was it already really safe and okay to be...friends, with him? 

Nonetheless, I kept up the conversation. [I'm glad it's you. I'm glad you're really, really good at this. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself here.] All of those were true. 

He was like me, making sense of things, through killing monsters and traveling a made-up world. I knew how that felt. Very well. 

His half of the conversation lighted. [Um, thank you.] was all he said. 

Then I recalled the original problem. [Um...if it's okay with you, you can pair up with me, if you don't want to have a party with others. You at least need a healer.] 

He waited a bit, before he replied. [I can handle it. Thank you.] 

[I'm still offering.] I told him. [You really need a healer. I know you're way better than me at the battling, but you need someone to keep your health stats up while fighting.] 

Three dots danced. 

Then a message. [Hyung says you have college.] he said. 

[Yeah, but I can catch up to you most evenings, I think? I'll just tell you if I have to cram for a long test the next day, so I won't be around then. I can also introduce you to my usual party?] 

[Introduce to another party, there is no need, thank you.] he said. 

I sighed. So polite, but so strange. And...very shy, even online. So strangely different from his brother. But not in a bad way. 

But another message appeared. 

[I play at all hours, but yes, just inform when you are online. I do need healing.] 

I grinned. [It's a deal.] 

[Okay. Kim Yoosung?] 

[Yeah?] 

[It is nice to know you.] 

And so, I became friends with the Unknown. 

# 

My phone rang furiously, so early in the morning. 

I groaned. "Seveeeen, it's 6am.." 

"What did you do to my brother?" His voice was sharp. 

It snapped me awake. "Wha? Nothing! We met in LOLOL! We took down a troll! I was his healer! That's all, I swear!" 

"Are you sure there is nothing else?" he still snapped. 

"I swear to you, there is nothing else," I said, as calmly as possible. I had no idea why he was mad at something I seem to have done. I don't know why he was being bad-cop secret agent with me. 

"Okay, fine," he suddenly said, breathing easily. 

"Is there something wrong?" 

"No, not really," he said, his normal chirpy voice returning. "But Saeran fell asleep at the keyboard, and he has this silly smile on his face. I checked the LOLOL logs, and his last contact is you. So I wanna know what made him smile like that."

My cheeks burned. "I just made friends with him, and promised to be his healer. Now can you let me get some more sleep?" 

"Yeah, yeah," he said. "I do have to tell you, though..." 

"What?" 

"He hasn't slept this well in a long time, Yoosung. So whatever you did, thanks." 

My cheeks burned again. "Um, no problem, Seven. Tell him I said hi." 

He ended the call. 

My cheeks were too warm to let me go back to sleep. 

# 

Our two-person party eventually became the stuff of message board legends. I was just glad to keep the other friends I already made, who were still happy to have me in their groups when they were around. I just informed them all Unknown was very nice, just also very shy. Most players left it at that. Saeran himself didn't mind the other people I played and chatted with, as long as he was left alone. 

And when not online, I chatted with him about school and lunch food. It was not a lot of anything, but he seemed to like all the chatting about my life. 

"I heard you liked ice cream a lot?" I asked once over the phone. "There's this awesome shop in the mall, so many flavors, and the smoothest cream. Have you ever been?" 

"Which mall?" he asked quietly. 

I told him the one. 

"I was there once, for...her ladyship," he said, with a sigh. "But I do not remember an ice cream shop." 

"Ah, that's because it's a bit new, just a few months. Wanna go?" 

"But...when are you available?" he asked, also quietly, as if unsure it would happen. 

"Tomorrow!" I happily said. "Classes are called off. I can meet you there if Seven can take you..." 

"I can get there," he said, still quiet, but cheerful. "It's fine?" 

My cheeks warmed, but I was perfectly fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't get them out of my head, so there are additions. 
> 
> I realize I am using the original-story sweater iteration, even as I already know the another-story white-shirt iteration. I'm still asking my brain why. I did like the white shirt version a lot, that said.

I was so right about the ice cream. Well, gelato. 

The place wasn't very full when we got there in the early afternoon, some hours past lunch but a little before the tea time rush. So it was generally calm and quiet, with some piped-in coffee shop music in the background. I was kinda okay with a little more noise about the place, but I figured Saeran would like it a little quieter. Thankfully the gelato shop was good about that. 

He just kept looking at all the gelato, piled up in large mounds inside their containers, in many happy colors. He stared like a little kid, mouth slightly open and gaping, like he had never seen so much ice cream in his life. 

Was that possible? At his age, two years over mine? 

I quickly found my favorite, and quickly pointed with a grin. "Vanilla please, two scoops, with chocolate chips, with sprinkles." So sue me, I liked it that way. 

The shop girl smiled as she scooped out the order, handing it over to the cashier. 

Meanwhile I turned to Saeran, still staring at all the mounds of gelato. "So, what are you having?" 

He turned to look at me, but there was something....blank...to it? 

He placed one hand over his heart, and lowered his head to me. "I concede to your wishes," he droned, "my sav--" 

Then he stopped. Stared at me. 

He paled. His eyes grew wide as he kept staring at me. I could almost hear his heart pumping rapidly in his chest, as all the blood drained from his face. "I...I...I'm sorry...It was just..." 

I quickly grabbed at his hand, squeezed as firmly as I could. I looked up at his eyes, and waited until they focused on me. 

"Saeran. You're free. You are free to choose now. For you." I squeezed again, my own heart beating hard. 

I am not my cousin. I am not her. I am not her. 

I will do better by you, Saeran. I swear this by all that I can do. The weak person that I am. But I will do better, much better, by you. 

"Okay?" I continued, loosening the grip on his hand, but keeping it there. "You are free to choose. So pick one!" I ended with a smile. "Or you can get two scoops, we'll just add a bit more to the price. Okay?" 

I watched as he remembered to breathe again, as he looked again at the mounds of ice cream behind the glass. 

He took a deep breath. Then exhaled, a long drag, as he kept his eyes on one tray. He pointed. "I...um...strawberry." 

"One scoop or two?" I prompted. 

"Just one, thank you," he said. 

"Good pick!" I said, also remembering to breathe. "That's one of their best flavors." 

"Okay," he said. 

Seven had handed him both an ATM card and some cash, so he had spending money. We paid for ice cream and some chocolate drinks to go along with them, and settled onto a table. 

"You...okay now?" I asked again, as he sat down, rather heavily. 

"I...guess," he said. "I am sorry. It's...my body moves on its own, sometimes. It was...not so long ago, after all." 

"I know." I patted his hand again. "One day at a time. Okay?" 

"Okay," he said. 

I set him talking as soon as the ice cream reached our table. "Hey, how did you get that many heal potions?" 

He shrugged, as he gently smiled. "Like anybody. Buy and sell, trading weapons I don't use anymore. The usual." 

"What in the world did you sell that got you that many potions?" I prompted. I really wanted to know. I've seen the usual adventurer armor and weapon set, and the one he currently used in campaigns did not fetch much, being common and not so flashy.

He told me the armor set. 

"But that's a rare! It was the reward for an event! You...won that event?!" 

His cheeks reddened a bit, as he nodded. 

I ate up two spoonfuls to let the information sink in. "WHY do I know you?!" I gaped at him. I may have bowed at him as I laughed. 

He smiled as he finished his ice cream. 

"Why did you sell that rare armor?" I asked, still dumbfounded. 

He shrugged. "Too conspicuous. People kept wanting to add me to parties." 

"So you just toughened up the one you have right now?" 

He nodded, with a little smile. 

I will do better by you, Saeran. I swear this. I want to keep you smiling. I will do better by you. 

# 

We watched a movie, then we headed back to my dorm, as the night fell. 

He nodded at my computer setup. Not the best of equipment, but it was a good setup, a durable enough headset with microphone, and a mid-range gaming mouse to match. I managed to at least reach Seven with that setup, even if I could never beat him, after all. 

"Wanna have a go?" I asked. 

"I'll watch, thank you," he said, sitting on the bed. 

"How're you getting home?" 

"I...um...um..." 

"Well, it's getting late, the trains will soon be stopping. We'll worry about it tomorrow?" 

"Okay," he said. 

He didn't stay sitting on my bed, though. 

My bed was average college-dorm single bed, if you must know. Usual nice enough cushioning and such, but not the most comfortable. So I'm not sure how Saeran quickly dropped off to sleep on my bed. 

I scratched my head as I watched him, curled up on his side, chest moving gently with even breaths. He should've told me he was getting tired of walking in the mall. 

I texted his brother. 

[Noted, thanks.] Seven replied. [Thanks for giving him a good time today, whatever you did.] 

[Do you need details?] I asked. 

[Why would I need the details of your date, Yoosung?] he asked, followed by that lovesick emoji of his. [Unless you do want to spill?] 

I rolled my eyes. [Whatever, Seven.] 

[But, for serious, Yoosung. Whatever you did, thank you.] 

I looked back at his brother, sleeping peacefully on my bed. A warmth rushed to my cheeks. 

But I promised. 

I will do better by you, Saeran. I swear this. 

# 

I gently patted his shoulder that next morning, hoping he would not be too angry in being woken up. Please wake up already. 

I promised to be better by him. Part of that included this, even if it meant waking him up. 

He eventually groaned a bit. "Mmmm?" 

"Saeran? Please wake up for just a little bit?" 

"....Huh?" he murmured. His eyelids lifted a few millimeters. 

"Saeran? I have to go out early. I have bio lab class today...erm, it's biology, with doing stuff. Strict prof, checks attendance." 

"O....kay..." 

"Anyway, the point is...I have to go out early for class. I cooked an omelette for you, it's in the fridge. There's a microwave." 

"...kay..." 

"Okay, Saeran? I'll chat you later after class, alright?" 

His eyes opened. "Sure." 

I smiled. "Okay. You can go back to sleep." 

I needed to say all that, because I remembered what Seven said. Saeran had been left behind by people. Or at least Saeran thought that, was made to believe that. 

I promised that Saeran would never think that, about me. I wanted him to know that I had classes and had to be in places, but never again was he going to be left behind and abandoned. Never again. 

"Saeran? I'll be back later, okay?" 

His eyes started to flutter closed again. "Mm-hmm." 

I couldn't help it anymore. 

I squeezed his hand, and planted a kiss on his forehead. 

With it, a promise, the one I made again and again. 

I will be better by you. As much as I can do, the weak person I am. But I will do better, be better. For you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They still won't get out of my head, so things keep getting added. At this point I don't know when this will stop, but you shall be informed when it does. 
> 
> I hope you're all okay with Seven always popping up. I just figured a good life for this kid will always have him around or nearby, but never gone. 
> 
> Again thank you for reading.

[You kissed me.] 

I gulped as I stared at my phone. My heart pounded. Yes, my cheeks reddened, but mostly my heart pounded hard in its cage, and I paled. 

It was not a question. It was a declaration. It was a confirmation. 

Like he said, it was not so long ago, when we all properly feared him, when practically all his public sentences were this direct, this forthright, this...scary. Just then, I did not know if I should fear him or not. 

But he sent that message after my bio lab class was done. Which means he probably just woke up in the last few minutes or so. I hoped he was just checking if it was not his imagination. 

I took a deep breath. I remembered him, curled up on my bed, answering me drowsily, as I assured him I was just going to class, as I touched his warm forehead. I remembered why I kissed him in the first place. 

I typed and sent. 

[I'm sorry. Yes, I did. I won't do it again if you didn't like it.] 

I remembered to breathe. 

I watched as three dots danced on the open panel, my heart shifting between fear and disappointment. 

Then a reply. 

[It's okay.] 

Oh. 

My cheeks went back to red and very warm, as I continued the conversation. [Are you heading home now?] 

[Yes.] he replied. [Where is the subway station?] 

He was probably just making sure. After all, we got back to the dorm in the evening, and it was his first time there. [I'll go back to the dorm. I'll take you there.] 

[Okay. Yoosung?]

[Yeah?] 

[The omelette was good.] 

Now my whole face felt warm. [Thanks!] I typed, followed by the happy-clapping emoji. [So glad you liked it!] 

I was pretty sure some of my classmates saw my face turning redder and redder. But just right then, I did not care. 

# 

We met again that evening, but online. 

"Going left," he said over the headphones. 

That was my automatic cue to move right and cover the blind spots of his attack. "In position," I told him as my mage avatar ran and readied his staff. 

This was a kind of arrangement that often happened when team players were sitting beside each other in individual gaming computer setups. It's not impossible in a remote setup, but the lag time would have been obvious for most people. This was why so many people did not know that I was playing from my dorm, and Saeran was moving using a laptop he and Seven had cleaned out completely, converting it to a gaming laptop. Seven obviously had one of the fastest internet connections in all of the country, which kept the lag because of redirection programs to practically nothing. Then, I already knew Saeran's individual cadence and pacing while playing, so we moved as a two-person unit that had almost no holes in its attack and defense. 

"Set spell," he said, as he took out a sword on reserve. 

"Starting," I answered, clicking to started the magic spell for a devastating wide-range attack, one that had a long loading sequence. Which was why in the meantime Saeran would keep attacking our large joint enemy. 

Of course we weren't this serious in most of our online conversations in-game. Actually, the conversation before this was "Have you eaten dinner already?" and "When did you both head to the Circle K last?" and "Yes, we have noodles, and I got a salad. Yes, I keep telling him to eat more than honey butter chips." 

"Hey, I heard that!" came a more distant chirpy voice. 

"Well, he really should!" I answered. 

"Tell him to send over some omelettes!" Seven chirped again. 

"Sure, if you'll give me an address!" 

"Never, Yoosung!" 

Oh, well. I did understand why, and I knew Seven was just being cheerful when there was a true serious reason to keep their address hidden. 

The chirpy voice came loud on one ear. "Give me the recipe and we'll start a omelette restaurant, yeah?" 

"You know that's not happening, Seven," I said, just being grumpy as part of the happy chat. 

"Ah, well. It was worth a shot. Take them out, you two."

"Get lost already, hyung," Saeran interrupted, as I heard Seven's laughter moving farther. 

And that was why we were quiet for a bit, just sending attack instructions. 

The long magic spell finished loading, and I clicked to execute. A brightness filled most of the monitor, as all of the smaller monsters toppled, and as the health bar of the main enemy slid down and turned red. 

Saeran immediately came in for the kill, and reduced the health bar to nothing. 

The monster dropped in front of us, as both of us pulled back. 

"Good game," he said quietly through his mic. He never used "GG" or the other abbreviations, even if he had already played long enough to know them. 

"Same to you," I replied, as my face warmed a bit. 

Several players saw it from a safe distance, and sent their congratulations in message balloons. 'Unknown' kept quiet, as I replied my thanks for both of us to everyone. 

There were no major enemies in that area after that, so we just walked around the server area. I greeted avatars I knew as we passed, but we just walked around without engaging anyone or anything else. 

"Are you logging out now?" I finally asked after some minutes. 

"I...do not know," he said over the headphones. "I...want to keep talking with you?" 

"Well we can both logout then shift to the messenger, if you want?" 

"Okay," he quietly said, as I watched the clear signs of a player signing out. 

I followed after him, as I also pressed buttons on the messenger for an internet call. 

He answered quickly. "Yoosung?" 

I shut down the computer and started getting ready for bed. "Just here, yeah?" 

"Could I...stay over again?" 

I pulled the phone a short distance from me, as I checked if I was listening to the right person, listening to Saeran, asking me if he could stay over at my place. I breathed. "Huh? Why?" 

"I...got to sleep well, last night," he said, soft and hesitating. He had moved to a part of the apartment where I could not hear Seven or his keyboard-clacking. 

"Is something the matter?" 

"Not with Hyung, no," he said. "But...last night? There were no bad dreams." 

"Nightmares?" 

"Not exactly. Just bad dreams." 

But he was right. I slept on the floor last night, carefully sensing for him the whole time. It was probably why I woke up early for class. But Saeran slept quite soundly, his breaths moving evenly the whole night. He didn't toss and turn on my bed, something Seven sometimes told us was normal when Saeran was home. 

Being around his brother probably reminded his brain of the past, the past they shared together. I didn't know everything, but I knew enough that I figured it kept him up most nights. 

I sighed, though. I told him about dorm policies and such. He could probably come over once in a while, but any regular arrangement would require him to submit a university ID and to formally apply as my dorm mate. 

"I could maybe...get an apartment unit outside school premises, if you want?" I said. I could not believe I was more than willing to change my current arrangements, and gladly, for him. 

"No, no," he said. "I...do not want to be a bother. Just...can I stay sometimes?" 

I smiled as I felt my cheeks. "Sure. I'll just tell the landlady. Also..."

"Hm?" 

"Just keep talking. Until you fall asleep. It's okay." 

He paused for a while. I heard him settling onto a something, maybe the sofa or a bed. "What about?" 

"Anything you want." 

"Okay." 

So I talked about my classes, and some of my readings, as I heard his quiet "Hm" and "Okay" as I spoke on the phone. He talked about flowers and little gardens and maybe buying a few pots. I was not particularly good about flowers even if I had biology and zoology, but I knew enough to be interested as he chatted. 

"My mom has this song she sang to me, when I was little?" 

"Okay?" I heard a drowsy voice. 

"I'm not particularly good at it, but I kinda have it memorized, so here goes..." 

So I gave him the song about some things being a few of my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad. 

It was somewhat long, that song, and I sang it slowly. But when I was done, I listened to gentle regular breaths. 

I hoped I gave him good dreams, at least for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you who are reading. Just saying it again. I'm glad you support the rarepair. :) More things eventually.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part of this chapter is inspired by a cute ascii-art tweet with a bunny giving various flowers. The rest is I guess inevitable. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this rarepair. I am grateful that you like it. I only hope and wish the best for these kids.

I was looking very cluelessly at so many kinds of flowers in so many bundles and pails and arrangements all around me. I had biology and zoology, and eventually microbiology and botany, but none of those would make me a green thumb any time soon. Any flowers, bouquets or not, wilted quickly with me. 

Saeran, meanwhile, stood in the midst of all the flowers, quietly smiling at everything, quietly in heaven. I saw that kind of look when Zen was in the zone in his practicing, or when Seven was at a computer shop. I probably looked like that when I was waiting for a dog, for some volunteer dog-walking. 

We were at the flower market. Saeran kept talking about various kinds of flowers, and I was totally not catching up to which was what, so I figured we’d just go to the flower market on a weekend and give me a crash course on what were the many flowers he talked about. Maybe we could get a plant for me—a cactus, it has to be a cactus, I will totally forget to water a thing every day—and he can start the little garden he wanted. 

We stopped at one shop that had both big bouquets of flowers, and little pots of what my more green thumbed classmates called succulents. 

I stared at the succulents, hoping to find one that I would like. A cactus with spines? One of those whose leaves looked like a flower bloom? One that had little flowers? 

Saeran meanwhile picked out a daisy on its stalk, and showed it to me, his cheeks a light shade of pink. He held out the daisy with both his hands. 

But it was a daisy on its stalk, the kind of thing that will likely wilt with me, stuck into a drinking water bottle. I shook my head no. 

“You don’t like?” I noticed too late that he frowned and put the daisy back. 

He moved to another nearby bucket, and took out a sunflower on its stalk. He also held it out in front of him. 

I definitely had experience with sunflowers wilting on me, because I forgot about it on the windowsill. I also shook my head. 

Saeran sighed as he put back the sunflower, as I kept looking at the succulents. I found one that I kinda liked. 

Saeran meanwhile moved to the bucket with roses, and took out the reddest rose, slightly closed, ready to bloom widely. His cheeks were quite a nice shade of rose. 

“Oh,” I said, “very nice!” But too many roses in too many bouquets had wilted in my parents’ house because of me forgetting to change the water. So I sighed at the rose. 

He also sighed as he returned the rose to join its fellows. He scratched his head for a moment. Then he looked up. 

Finally he shyly showed me a small balloon on a stick, the kind people add to bouquets. The balloon was red, and heart-shaped. It had ‘You are special’ in white characters. 

OH. 

So THAT’S what he was doing. 

I slammed a palm onto my forehead. “I am so, so sorry! I’ve been incredibly, incredibly dense, I’m so sorry!” I bowed to him, over and over and over. “I’m so very sorry. I like you a lot, I really really do. And I’m glad you like me back. I’m just incredibly awful with flowers. I’m so sorry for making you sad!” 

He turned a very nice shade of pink, all over his face, not just his cheeks, as he handed over the little heart balloon. “It’s…no problem,” he said, reddening even more. 

I took up the balloon, and grinned at him. 

# 

We moved to another store. 

That one had no succulents or cacti, but Saeran drifted into the store and I just followed after him as he wandered through the narrow paths, with buckets filled with various kinds of flowers and leaves big and small. 

He seemed comfortable wandering through the place, familiar with the arrangement and the paths in between them. He stopped and considered the roses of various colors, bringing some close to his nose. He pointed at several bunches of baby’s breath flowers. I didn’t understand why he was picking flowers to make a bouquet for a vase — he said this a bit clearly — but I let him enjoy himself as I kept searching for a plant to bring home. To remind me of him. 

At a little corner, the shop had a row of little pots with flowering plants in them. The pots had ribbons on them. I realized some people like their flowers given than way, so they would stay around for a while. Maybe I could keep one of those alive, if he helped me with it. 

Saeran’s phone rang for a bit. I was paying for the potted plant, so I didn’t know who called. 

But I heard him talk. I didn’t pay attention then, but it was blank and drawled out. 

“My savior. All is well. Yes, I have stayed too long here. I will be returning soon.“ 

What followed was so loud I heard it out of the phone, clearly from where I was: "Oi! Saeran! Choi Saeran! Where are you? Exact location! You will tell me right now, Choi Saeran!" 

I rushed back to Saeran, and grabbed the phone from his trembling hands. "Seven, calm down, I'm here. I'm with him, we're at the flower market--" 

"I will not calm down! Exact location!" 

I did understand why he was panicking. I knew the reason for it. The reason was my cousin. Her impact on two lives was standing beside me. I grit my teeth. With my other hand I took up one of Saeran's, and squeezed. "We're at the flower market, Seven." I forced my heart to stay calm, for two people I knew well now, for two people I loved. In two different ways, but I did. "We can stay here until you come fetch us, if that's what you want. Or I can take him home--" 

"Details, Yoosung! Details!" 

I kept my hand around Saeran's, holding it well in mine. He was still shaking, but he was looking at me, and recognized me, and squeezed my hand back. "He's fine, we're fine. If you're thinking of strangers from the cult, there are none. It's just me and him, and we're together. Okay?" 

"Are you absolutely sure he's alright?" 

I rarely heard him like this, completely scared of losing control. It was...very scary to hear. I had no idea what I could say, that would tell him that the past was never coming back. For both of them. "He's with me, we're fine. Come fetch us, if you want?" 

Saeran reached for my hand that held the phone, and took it back. “Hyung. It’s me. It’s me.” His face was still drained of color, he still looked at me with as much panic as I heard from his brother. “It’s me. I’m with…I’m with Yoosung. I’ll be fine.” 

I heard Seven loudly over the phone. “I’m coming over for you! You’re at the flower market, right? I’m coming over for you—“ 

“Thanks, hyung, but…I’m fine.” 

“You’re heading home, now. Please.” 

Saeran shut his eyes. Seven must have sounded too much like his old life. “Th-thanks, hyung. B-but if it’s okay with you, I’m…I’m spending the night at Yoosung’s place.” I heard Seven’s chirpy voice over the line, but did not hear anymore what he said. “I promise, hyung. We’ll text when we get there. Sorry for worrying you.” 

I heard the sounds of an ended call. 

But as soon as the call ended, he sank to his knees, and held his head. 

I knelt beside him, and tried my best to wrap my arms around him. I spoke into his ear. “I’m here, Saeran. I’m here.”

# 

I kept holding his hand, as we went home through the subway. I’m pretty sure some, erm, more conservative people, were staring at us holding hands, as we made our way through the crowds and lines. But I did not want to let go of him. 

My fear was different from his. I was afraid of losing him. Not the way you probably think. Sure, I was afraid of losing him in the mass of people, when he was out of sorts and not fully paying attention. But more than that, I was afraid of losing him to the darkness, the darkness that we had seen before, complete and devastating and quite deadly. I did not want him to go back. 

I did not know what he felt. I just know that his hand was in mine, and he held it tightly, afraid to let go. 

We kept silent as we traveled through the subway, and kept silent as we walked back to the dorm. 

But as I closed the door behind us, he quickly pulled me in, and wrapped his arms around me. 

He held me tightly as he trembled, as he breathed heavily. 

“It was my job. For her. For the savior. It was my job to choose the flowers for the bouquets at the main hall and some of the hallways. it was my job. it was part of my job.” 

He breathed in heavy pants, as he held on to me. I felt tears drop onto my shoulder. 

“I always took too long about it. I kept forgetting the time, just looking at all the flowers, loving every one. She would call when I took too long, demanding that I get the flowers already and return as soon as possible. She’d always remind that I’m just there to get flowers, just to make the main worship hall beautiful for all of the followers, and for her.” 

He breathed several breaths again. 

“And when I came back, there was stuff to drink. To make me remember what I was there for. I was there for her, to do her will, to exact revenge on those who deserve it. And after that, there was things to do. Lots of things to do. Most of them having to hunt down hacker 707.” 

He kept his arms tightly around me. 

“I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to be angry again. I don’t want to fight anyone again. I don’t.” 

“You will not go back,” I whispered. “You’re with us now. You’re with me.” 

“My brain keeps remembering. My body keeps moving without me. I don’t want to go back. I do not want to lose this, any of this,” he said. 

“One day at a time,” I told him. “But we’re here, I’m here. I’ll help you as best I can.” I promised this, the weak person that I am. 

“You’re not going away?” he asked, leaning his head on my shoulder. 

“I’ll try my best not to,” I swore to him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit to mastering only -hyung and -noona, partly because of Yoosung himself saying them all the time. But I'm not as good with the other honorifics. Please forgive any weaknesses. 
> 
> Thank you for reading as well as commenting on this little story.

It had been a movie night, the Friday before the weekend. 

I took up my extra coverlet, blanket, and pillow, and settled the coverlet over the floor. Saeran had already settled into my bed. But he kept seated over the bed, watching me as I readied to sleep on the floor. 

I finally sat over my coverlet on the floor, taking a deep breath. I really had to get used to get low back pains from all the sleeping on the floor. But he was a guest, and it was going to be okay. 

But he tapped me on the shoulder. 

“Hm?” 

“Please, Yoosung.” He patted the bed, and scooted inward onto the wall. “Stay here.” 

“To sleep? But you’ll be cramped with me in there with you.” 

“It’s okay,” he said, with a little smile. 

My cheeks reddened. “I toss and turn when i sleep, my mom says. So do other people…” 

“It’s okay,” he said again. He patted the bed again. 

I sighed a deep sigh. I was going to get back pain, then, of a different sort. The kind you got sleeping with another person in a cramped space. It was not complaining about this because of him. I felt happy being asked to sleep beside him. I was just being…realistic about myself and my bed, I guess. 

I sat on the bed, my legs on the side. When I turned, I found him settling into bed, smiling at me shyly as he patted the empty space beside him again. 

i scratched my head, but started to settle into bed as well. 

As I feared, my bed was not built for two people, and we were a tangle of arms and legs in a tight space. My arms and legs didn’t know where to put themselves, while his didn’t know what to do either. 

“Turn around, please,” he said quietly. 

I unknotted myself and eventually managed to turn and stare at that well-framed face, his red hair tousled over his forehead. I had no idea how I was going to fall asleep with that. 

But he reached out, and held my hand. His fingers weaved around mine, as he smiled at me. 

And before I knew it, I was quietly watching him as his eyelids slowly closed over those deep eyes, as he kept smiling as his breaths gently slowed. 

# 

The darkness surrounded me, heavy and thick. No matter how I swiped at the darkness, it remained thick and impenetrable.

And in the midst of that darkness, her voice. 

_\- You are stealing him from me! -_

My cousin. My noona. The person I looked up to, so much, so much. Until our world collapsed, until we learned things about her, all at once. 

i kept swiping at the darkness, right and left. “He is not yours for anyone to steal! He belongs to no one! Not anymore, noona!” 

_\- What makes you think you are better than me? -_

Her voice boomed, surrounded the darkness, filled the emptiness. 

“I don’t think that, noona. I swear,” I said. “I just know I want to be around for him, that is all.” 

_\- I was there for him where there was no one else! I am the only reason he is still alive! -_

I had indeed heard those words myself, shouted shrilly, when I tried to visit at the hospital basement. Hospital personnel quickly swooped around the room and around her, and some even threatened to inject things into her. I stepped back, the way I did when I first heard them. Some nice someone talked to me as they pulled me away from the shouting. 

And yet I knew that this is not real, as it were. I could answer her here. 

“That is true, noona. None of us will deny that. But you controlled him. Controlling him is not part of keeping him alive. And in controlling him you just replaced his original prison for another one.” 

I could not believe I was saying all this, whether it was to my brain or the noona in my brain. 

In my darkness she never used her quieter, more manipulative, more tempting words. Her voice, her words kept filling the darkness, filling my ears if I didn’t cover them with my hands. 

_\- You looked up to me! I gave you a dream to follow! -_

I sighed. Then I inhaled deeply, and exhaled slowly. I stopped fighting the thick darkness for a moment. 

“That is true, noona. But my dream is mine. It is not yours to own. Not anymore, noona. Not anymore.” 

_\- How dare you, Yoosung! You are my cousin! How dare you! -_

it was shrill, it was powerful. I cowered from that strength, and curled up, covering my head with my hands. 

And yet I found some strength to say, to the darkness, to the emptiness: “You abandoned us, noona. You deceived all of us. You manipulated people to come after us. These are also true.” 

Her voice filled the darkness in a long powerful scream. 

I held my ears and cowered again in a little ball. 

But I started to feel a different warmth around me, gentle and kind. 

(I’m here. I’m here.)

I held on to that warmth, cloaking myself with it. 

# 

Someone in the depths kept whispering “It’s okay, I’m here, I’m here,” sometimes holding my head and combing fingers through my hair. I knew I kept shifting positions, tossing back and forth, as the voice kept whispering, “It’s okay, I’m here, I’m here.” Sometimes that warmth even wrapped itself around me, holding me close. It helped, those whispers, but they felt like an anchoring force, a thing to reach for, as I swiped at the forest of darkness filling around me. 

It was tiring enough that when someone started tapping my shoulder, I only had strength to open my eyes a bit. “Hm?” 

My brain registered Saeran’s voice, talking quietly onto my ear. “Yoosung? Is it okay to open your computer?” 

“Sure,” I drowsily answered, my eyes closing again. “Why?” 

“Hyung is going out on a mission. He just wants me on surveillance while he’s gone.” 

On my computer? Remotely? Well, I suppose those two could manage it, easily. “Okay,” I said. “Password…post-it note…Goodnight….” 

I remembered nothing else, as I drifted heavily to sleep. 

# 

I didn’t know for much longer I was asleep after that. I just knew it felt heavy and deep. 

The sun was bright through the one window, and warm. Thankfully it hit the kitchen area more than the computer shelf, where Saeran had my gaming headset on, watching some rolling computer script on one open DOS screen window, watching what looked like other data scrolling through another window. On another window he had the computer version of our messenger, with an exchange between him and his brother. 

I rubbed my eyes and started getting the kinks out of every joint. My first question was not for me, but for him: “Saeran? You okay?” 

He turned to face me. “Yes, thank you. No infiltration attempts.” He took off the headset and stood quickly, walking toward me. “Are you feeling better?” 

Huh? 

But I let him sit down beside me and touch a hand to my forehead, then over my neck. His touch was gentle, his hands had callouses but felt soft and warm. I tilted my head, to better feel those hands. Calloused but soft and warm. I liked that warmth maybe a bit too much. 

“You don’t feel hot,” he said quietly. “You were sleeping very badly. Are you better?” 

That hand really felt very nice. I shouldn’t be liking it this much. But I did. “Thanks. For being here.” 

He smiled a little smile. “You’re welcome.” 

“Saeran.” 

“Yes?” 

I inhaled. “I am not her. I’m probably smart enough for college, but I’m not as smart as her, and I’m definitely not a people-person like her. I’m obviously no replacement for her. I can’t give the world or an empire or something big like that. I can only just help out in the charity parties but I can’t run the thing. What I’m trying to say is…I’m not her. But I will try to be here, for you,” I promised. 

“It’s okay,” he said. “It is.” 

I breathed in relief. 

“Yoosung?” 

“Hm?” 

“May I?” 

“May you what?” 

He placed a hand over mine as he brought his body closer to mine, his head closer to mine…his face closer to mine. He tilted his head and brought himself even nearer to my face as he closed his eyes…as I finally understood what he was trying to do. 

I suddenly pushed him away, as my whole face burned. 

He paled. “I…I’m sorry—“

“No, no, no, don’t get me wrong!” I quickly said as I pulled him back nearer. “It’s just…I haven’t brushed my teeth! My face is so greasy! My hair’s all over the place! I’m still in this old shirt—“ 

He smiled while I panicked, while he brought his face closer to mine…and placed his lips on mine. 

I blinked and kept blinking as all that warmth settled on me, as a hand traveled and landed on the small of my back, as the other hand traveled to my back and he brought me nearer. 

But those lips were soft, and he was nice and warm as he held me. 

My own body settled into him, my own lips began to answer his, as I closed my eyes to focus on all this. My hands may have also sought his back, to anchor me to this caring warmth. 

The warmth in my dreams, the warmth that kept me safe. It was soft and warm. 

His lips were so soft and warmth and answered mine. I didn’t want it all to end. 

But he had to breathe. We both had to. Our lips parted. 

He watched me, worried. “Are you okay?” 

My face felt very very hot. My body didn’t know what to think or what to sense. 

But it was going to be okay. For both of us.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still adding to this rarepair story. I am not sure why, but yeah. I seem to love them very much. 
> 
> Thank you once more for reading.

What I currently have is called: finals week just ended, I had to cram every night for a whole week just to survive finals week, because yeah I’m the pathetic student who didn’t study most of the sem but played LOLOL and maybe slept through classes. Then somewhere near the end of the sem I seem to have made friends with someone and may already be in a relationship with him. That’s not a problem of course, but when you’re friends with Saeran you tend to check up on him even while you’re sleeping. Um, yeah. So I’ve been sleeping only maybe one to two hours a night? For around a week. 

But something about knowing him made me want to study, if that makes sense. To be better. To do that, or at least to start that, I need to pass a bunch of exams and practicals. Thankfully I didn’t hate my subjects completely. 

That whole week we didn’t see each other, just had short chats about me having to study and him having to fill in for his brother about work-type things. 

I promised to meet him at the mall for dinner and a movie, to catch up and to celebrate that exams are over. Some had invited me for drinks or parties, but I had promised Saeran first. 

Dinner was just fast food, nothing fancy. I just needed to seem him in front of me, talking to me about things, reminding me why I suddenly wanted to try to pass several subjects. 

Just some months and weeks ago I didn’t care much if I passed or failed. What was the use, if noona was a lie, all of noona was a lie, several years of my life trying to reach noona, was all a lie. 

But I properly met Saeran. I wanted to be better, for his sake. I will never be like noona. But I am someone else, hopefully someone better. 

I had no idea if all the cramming and canned-coffee-ing worked. I had no idea. But biology wasn’t all that bad, and I understood this and that, and maybe could work on the rest. I more or less knew what I was answering….I just hope my answers were right. 

Now all the tests were done, and all that was left was to wait for grades. Now, all I could do was have dinner, and enjoy being beside him. 

————————

It was only the first few minutes of the movie, soon after the cinema turned dark. 

His hand was in mine. 

Before long, his head was on my shoulder, and I heard gentle snoring. 

I shifted myself a little lower, so he could fully lean his head on the shoulder, while the movie ran on. It was quite nice, we both wanted to see it, one of those superhero things everyone wanted to see. But as this rate…I guess I was going to watch it twice. 

He stayed asleep, alternately snoring or mumbling about science things…the contents of his university subjects. These were overpowered by the loud noises from the movie itself, that did not seem to wake him. I felt his forehead; it did not feel warm. But he seemed very exhausted. 

I took my phone and messaged Hyung. 

[Yeah.] 

I covered the phone’s light and asked directly: [You know this mall, right? Can you fetch us later?] 

[Us, meaning you and Yoosung?] he asked. [Why?] He tends to be serious about things when it’s about me or around me. 

[I…don’t think he’s okay enough that we could take the train.] I told him. 

[Huh?…wait, is it finals week in this country?] he asked. 

[That is what he called it] I answered. 

[Okay. I’ll be there.]

[Thank you, hyung.] 

He did not reply. 

# 

I tapped on his hand as the other people exited the cinema. “Yoosung? Let’s go home now?” 

It took him a while to open his eyes. “What did I miss?” 

I smiled and squeezed his hand instead. “Let’s go home, Yoosung.” 

“How?” He was still foggy as he rubbed his eyes. 

“I got us a ride.” 

I gently led him out of the cinema then out of the mall, onto its exit door and pick-up point. Thankfully a familiar red sportscar began to arrive. 

The driver rolled down the window and grinned at us. “Hi. I’m your Uber driver for tonight.” 

Yoosung rolled his eyes. “Seven. Cut it out.” 

Hyung laughed heartily, a little wickedly, a sound that was, strangely, always nice to hear. “Well? Get in.” 

I chuckled a bit as I went in first, and Yoosung followed. 

As soon as the door closed, hyung turned to us. “I’m the driver, so I’m deciding this one. Yoosung, you’re coming home with us.” 

“EH?” he said. 

“I bought Final Fantasy XV—“ my brother said in a sing-song, as he started the car moving. “You’re done with finals, right?” 

Yoosung paused, then tsked. “Fine, you win. As long as you feed me more than honey butter chips.” 

“I’ll get us pizza,” Hyung said, as he chuckled again. 

He drove in silence while we chatted for a bit at the back seat, watching the buildings and lampposts speed past on the highway. 

But soon Yoosung’s head bobbed again, and his eyes closed again. 

I gently lowered him onto my lap. Did I really want to know how much sleep he needed to catch up on? 

# 

My brother finally spoke. 

“Saeran.” 

“Hm?” 

He kept his eyes on the road, but his voice was deep, level, icy. “Change malls. You’re getting predictable.” 

I looked down at Yoosung. His head nuzzled on my lap. “It’s the nearest place to the university,” I explained. “Also the stations are accessible.” 

“Switch up your locations. You are starting to develop a pattern. You are getting predictable.” 

I clenched a fist. I felt a familiar boiling, a familiar rage, that I thought I had buried. “You forget. I can take care of myself.” 

“I do not deny that you can,” he said, voice very level. “But he can’t.” 

My heart skipped several beats, as the rage suddenly fizzled, as I looked toward Yoosung. 

“He’s a creature of habit. He likes being normal and ordinary, no matter what he says. His family — his own family — are ordinary middle class people. He’s not like Jumin. He doesn’t have large financial assets. If you are not careful, you will bring him in to…our problems.” 

My fist remained clenched. “He’s been discredited. You made sure of that.” 

“People like dad have connections everywhere. It is still best to be careful.” 

I sighed, as I slowly loosened the fist. 

He continued. “Also. Yoosung’s biology course is at least four years, if he doesn’t flunk any of his subjects…and I’d guess he came close. He likes dogs, he learned that himself, Rika didn’t teach him that, she just fueled it. If he likes dogs enough to study it, veterinary medicine is several years more.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“If you’re getting into a relationship with him, you’re doing it long-haul, and you have to take precautions.” 

I looked far out past the window. “I’m…I’m not…I’m not replacing her ladyship with him.” 

He turned the car, exiting the highway. “I am not saying you are. All I am saying is be careful. And that being with him will mean a commitment.” 

“So…you…you do not object?” 

“To Yoosung?” He looked at us at the back seat, as we stopped at a traffic light. “No. I don’t.” 

“Why?” 

The car started again. His voice lost its edge, its ice, at last. “Better one of us, than anyone else. Someone who already knows how messed up both of us are.” 

I sighed. “I guess.” 

He finally smiled, as he kept his eyes on the road. “He’s okay,” Hyung continued. “He’s nice, he’s kind. He thinks the best of everybody. He’s easy to tease that way, but yeah, that also makes him special.” 

Yoosung stirred a bit. “What was that?” he mumbled. 

My brother chuckled. “Nothing, go sleep.” 

Yoosung mumbled a few more things then settled again. 

I stared at my brother, I didn’t care if he was looking straight at the road. “Hyung.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I want him to stay. In my life. I think.” 

My brother turned to face me. “Okay. But I’m serious. Be careful.” 

I nodded, as I took up Yoosung’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the repeating end notes. I don't know what's wrong with the Ao3's coding. But again, thank you for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been an incredible dunce and just lately tagged properly. Previously it was just for the '&' version. Now I finally added the '/' version of the pairing tag. But at least I now know that there are at least 230 stories (instead of just 30) for this rarepair, and I am grateful. I also just realized how many awesome people are writing for them and I am...well...thank you for reading my stuff. 
> 
> You may be wondering why I am calling him Seven or hyung. While I do realize he's fine by this point being called by his name, I figure old habits die hard, and that he'd be more comfortable generally called by the online handle nickname. Also, Saeran calls him 'hyung' in practically all the recorded dialogue, the English translations just didn't show this. And when it's not those two reasons...I still feel strange seeing his real name. ^^;; 
> 
> Anyhow. Thank you so very much for reading. A new person kinda appears. Hope you like.

As soon as we got home, my brother quickly shuffled off, and disappeared into his bedroom. He had just finished one of those missions of his that he never told me details of, always never wanting me to worry. But it was obvious how tired he was, because he quickly collapsed to bed. 

We placed Yoosung on our sofa, in front of the TV we used for console gaming. 

Me? I couldn’t sleep. 

So I sat down at the computer room, doing surveillance, watching the trails of code and making sure everything was in place. 

It was part of my work…back then, for her ladyship. Part of my system missed this work. But a part of me also was relieved that i could stop watching these monitors at any time. That I was not forced to this work, not anymore. I was just being the human double-checking what my brother’s bots and programs caught. 

My brother and I had this current arrangement that when able, I would keep an eye on his monitors and check for any problems, which would let him do outside work a bit more, or let him sleep a bit more. It was fine with me. I didn’t like going out so much anyway, if it wasn’t to the flower market or to meet Yoosung. 

One or two display monitors were dedicated to C&R’s servers. We were the external surveillance, a check to the internal surveillance. Several other monitors were connected to my brother’s intelligence agency work. I understood some of it, but not all. 

But one monitor’s displays started to move strangely. 

Two pings confirmed what I saw, hyung’s bot programs doing their job catching code irregularities. 

I knew what those looked like. 

I had made similar code myself. I had blocked similar code myself. 

I had attacked the best. I had defended against the best. 

Because of this I was familiar with some of the best modes of hacking, the best patterns of attacking servers and computers. Everything else was weaker, more obvious. 

I was not proud of this. But it was part of my history. And this skill is part of me, for better or worse. 

I started typing. 

I started blocking code. I started hunting down signs of where this was coming from. 

But more of the code was coming in, as fast as I could block them. 

This was a dedicated attack. One that intended to do major damage to the company it was trying to attack. One that maybe intended to get confidential data, then destroy files. 

I had to stop it. I had to. It would take too long to get hyung to do this, when I knew how to do it myself. If I did not move right now, the attack would penetrate the system, and it would be able to cause even more damage. 

I placed all the defences I knew, set them shielding and blocking. I started attacking what I could. 

This should not be as fun as it was at the moment. 

I heard a shuffling beside me. 

“Yoosung!” I turned. 

He looked at me, straight into me and whatever depths I had. His mouth was half-open, his lips pale. I felt his heart pounding from where I was, as he kept staring into me, as I wondered what…scary thing he found. 

“It’s…still you, right?” he asked. “Saeran. It’s still you, right?” 

“Of course it is,” I said rapidly, already wanting to look at the displays again, but…those eyes, they were frightened. For me. 

Was I…turning into something? A monster? A villain? Was I…becoming that again? But I didn’t feel anything different about me. I was still me. Just trying to stop a long line of bad code from getting past me. 

I shut my eyes for a moment, then locked them with his. “Yoosung. I’m…I’m fine. I’m sorry for what I look like, but I’m fine. I promise.” 

“Okay, Saeran,” he said, trembling a bit, but keeping his eyes focused. “Okay.” 

“I’m fine,” I added, trying to assure him about me, whatever it is he felt or saw. “This just needs doing. Why are you not asleep?” 

He chuckled shyly. “I was supposed to go to the bathroom. But…I got lost.” 

I pointed the directions of the bathroom. Then I faced the computer monitors again, their displays moving faster than I wanted. “Please go back to sleep. I know you need it—“ 

“What is going on?” he said instead, peeking at all the rolling lines of code. 

“Security breach,” I said. “Trojans were planted, I suspect. Really, Yoosung, it’s okay, go back to sleep.” 

Instead, Yoosung rubbed his eyes. “How can I help?” 

“….What?” 

He smiled, sleepily. “I am your healer. Please let me help.” 

But…what Yoosung knew was running a computer at its layman level. How to be a talented LOLOL healer mage when all the code for LOLOL was running right. He did not know about the inner workings, the programs, the code languages. So I did not know—

“Security breach to where, Saeran?” he asked. 

“C&R mainframe,” I said absentmindedly, now typing code to block the attack that I saw. 

“What!” Yoosung said. “Tell Jaehee-noona!” 

“Huh?” 

“Let me help, Saeran,” he said again. 

He patted his jeans for his phone and quickly fished it out. He pressed buttons and I heard the calling sound. 

“Jaehee-noona? We’re sorry for waking you and calling this late. But Saeran has something to tell you—“ he quickly passed the phone to me. 

I heard her sleepy voice as she said, “Saeran-ssi?” 

“Kang-sunbaenim—“ I began. 

She chuckled sleepily, but I also, thankfully, heard her business voice. “Jaehee is fine, Saeran, you are one of us now.” She went all business. “What is the matter?” 

“Jaehee-sunbaenim,” I shifted, still feeling too awkward to call her -noona like Yoosung did. But I also faced the computer monitors and remembered what I needed to say. “I am informing of a malicious security breach on the C&R mainframe and cloud storages.” 

She paused for a while, probably checking if she understood my computer language. “Did I understand you correctly? There’s a security breach?” 

“Yes, Jaehee-sunbaenim,” I said. 

“Who should I call, Saeran?” 

“Please call the IT department, and inform the night duty personnel. It may also be wise to inform Mr. Han of the breach.” 

“Alright, noted, Saeran.” She was, thankfully, all business now, serious and taking me seriously. “What else?” 

“I am trying my best to block access to the cloud and the mainframes, but the storage servers should be taken offline as soon as possible. The IT personnel should immediately look for trojan programs. I am sorry, but one or two programs may have penetrated the system. I am also looking for them and controlling their spread. I am also searching for the source of the attack, and I will send the information when I find it.” 

“Where is Saeyoung?” she asked, as she rightly should. 

“Sleeping, sorry, Jaehee-sunbaenim. Came from a mission.” 

“I see.” 

“I will inform him of this, and if it gets more complicated I will wake him up to help.” 

Ms. Jaehee went silent for a moment, probably listing down what I just said. Then she answered. “Thank you for doing this, Saeran.” 

What? She was…thanking me? 

“I will definitely inform Mr. Han, and it will be added to payments to you and Saeyoung for the month, for services rendered. I’m saying bye, now. Please give my thanks to Yoosung as well.” 

I regained composure. “Noted, Jaehee-sunbaenim.” 

The call was ended. 

I returned the phone to Yoosung. “She says thanks to you, too.” 

He smiled. “How else can I help?” 

I faced the monitors again, and started typing again. I really needed to control the situation, as soon as possible. “You had a long week. Go back to sleep. I’ll be fine.” 

It’s not that I was ignoring him. I just did not know what to tell him. This was something I knew how to do, whether or not I liked doing it. He did not know at all. 

“Saeran?” 

“Hm?” I kept my eyes on the computer monitors. 

He gently wound his arms around my neck, and wrapped them around me from behind the computer chair. 

“You are one of us now,” he whispered. “And I love you.” 

My hands stopped moving. They froze over the keyboard. 

“You are a force for good now. Okay? Don’t forget.” 

I took up the hands around me. I pressed my lips to them, as I held them well. “I won’t.” 

“Okay,” he said, squeezing my hands. “Now, can I at least get you food?” 

I remembered to breathe. “Ah. Yes. Hyung has instant noodles in the kitchen. There are things that are not root beer in the refrigerator.” 

“Alright,” he said, loosening his arms away from me. 

I felt him shuffling away toward the kitchen, as I faced the monitors again. 

I am a force for good now. And he loves me. 

I won’t forget. I won’t.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy stuff expected of this chapter. But I think it needed to be done. 
> 
> Again thank you to all of you for reading and giving kudos and giving comments.

Yoosung would not go back to sleep. 

He sat beside me as I kept my eyes on the monitors, checking all of their movements, blocking infiltration attempts. He kept looking at everything, even if it was obvious he did not understand beyond knowing that it was code. But he mostly kept looking at me. Like a deer staring at headlights. Scared of death, aware that it was coming. Or scared of imminent pain. 

I had no idea what he saw, why he was looking at me that way. 

But the attack kept coming, adding code or trying new entry points. 

“Go back to bed, Yoosung,” I told him, my voice deeper than usual, forcing him to listen. 

“I…I can’t,” he said, still looking at me. 

“Why?” 

“I’m…I dunno,” he said. “I just can’t leave you like this.” His eyes were bleary and red, obviously tired from the brightness of the monitors against the darkness of the room, clearly forcing himself to stay awake. 

It was how he found us. My brother. 

“Why are you two awake at this hour?” he said, scratching his head as he looked at us. 

“Malicious security breach,” I told him quickly, keeping my eyes on the monitors, pointing to one batch of code in red. 

Yoosung shifted, flinched from that glare I knew Hyung had, even if I didn’t look at it. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hyung said sternly. 

I did not face him. “You were asleep. I did not want to wake you.” That was true. 

“You also wanted to handle this yourself.” 

I stopped typing. I still did not face him. “And why is that so bad, hyung?” 

“I just don’t want you doing the kind of stuff you used to do, if you don’t like doing it,” he said. 

The fire in me started to heat up, to blaze. “Just admit I’m better than you at this, and you don’t like losing.” 

He sighed. “Sure, if that’s what you want. But let me handle this kind of thing, next time.” 

I finally turned to face him. “And why won’t you let me? Because you’ll lose this job of yours?” 

“Because I am afraid of losing YOU,” he said. “Again.” 

I stood up, leaving the computers. “You’re afraid that your life would lose its meaning again. You’re afraid to have nothing in life to work for. You’re afraid to be nothing.” 

My brother lowered his defenses, instead of raising them like a good agent. I had seen this before. The circus trainer before an angry tiger. “Yes. I do not want to lose you again,” he said. “So please leave this work to me. This darkness is mine. I do not want you giving in to the darkness again.” 

All the rage, all the fire I had already managed to stamp out….it all exploded. 

I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and pulled him up with it. 

“I will NOT be babied by you! I do NOT need to obey you! I do not need to listen to you. I do not need to follow you!” 

I wanted him to lash out, to argue with me, to fight me. 

“You were nothing in my life, nothing! For years! Why should I listen to you now! You do NOT own me! You’re my brother, but you do not own me!” 

But all he did was close his eyes, bracing himself for however I wanted to strike. 

And when I did not move further, when I didn’t punch him to the floor, he slowly opened his eyes again. 

“I know,” was all he said. “I know.” 

I tightened the grip on the shirt. “So why do keep me here doing nothing, so scared you are of letting me go anywhere! I’m not five! I’m not chained! Why should I be chained to you! You know how much I was able to do for her ladyship! I moved by myself!”

“You moved on her orders,” he said quietly. 

“But I was my own person! I moved by myself!” I shot back. Honestly I did not know where all this anger was going. I just know I was angry at everything. 

“It was just a longer chain.” 

“But I moved by myself!” I grabbed more of the shirt, until I was almost choking him. 

Suddenly a warmth wrapped around me from behind, holding me at the waist. Tears started moistening my back. 

“Saeran, stop. Stop, please.” 

I kept my hold on my brother’s neck, relishing the choked coughs. And yet I also felt the tears on my back, soaking my shirt. 

“Saeran, please stop,” he said again. “This is not you.” 

“Yes, it is,” I growled. “I am not nice. I am not meek. I am not quiet. I am not weak!” 

“Yes, you are not weak, I know that, I know, I know,” Yoosung said from behind me. “But you are not ruthless. You are not vicious. That is not you.” 

“What the hell do you know, Kim Yoosung!” It shot out before I could stop it. “You know even less than I do about her ladyship!”

“What I know or do not know about noona does not matter,” he said, evenly, slowly. “I just know that you are true, and kind, and caring. That anger is added on to you, but not truly part of you.” 

My rage now shot out in two directions. “Yes, it is part of me, and you’re kidding yourself if you think it’s not! I’m a monster, and you know it!” 

Yoosung kept his arms around my waist. His head was still over my back. “Maybe she made you one. But you are not. I love you, Saeran. All of you.” 

A hand still choked my brother. The other hand trembled. All this fire in my heart, and I had no idea what I was doing, where I was taking it. I just needed to let it blaze. 

Because my heart wanted to not believe that someone, anyone, would take me as I am, everything that I am. 

Saeyoung kept coughing but not resisting or loosening the hold. Acting like the martyr again, as usual. Made me want to strangle him already, for thinking that dying would absolve him of his mistakes and his absence. 

But the arms around my waist kept holding me in place. “Please, Saeran,” Yoosung said again. “Let him go. It’s my fault. I should’ve told you to get him in the first place. it’s not his fault. Please let him go.” 

“Like hell it’s your fault,” I grumbled, as some of the fire began to fizzle out, exhausted, tired, and confused. “You know it was my choice.” 

But I did release my brother. 

He dropped to the floor, catching his breath. 

Yoosung kept his hold on me, keeping me planted where I was. 

It was only then that I understood. Why he was so scared. For me. 

It had been so easy, so very easy, to be angry again. At everything and nothing. At everyone and no one. And just because I fell into the work that ignited that anger. It was so very easy to be that again, that vengeful, relentless creature that very easily did so much destruction. 

Now I felt the fire and the wrath seeping out of me in heavy trails of smoke, as Yoosung kept his arms around me, as his tears kept wetting my shirt. 

Saeyoung took two long deep breaths. He was still on his hands and knees. “Go to sleep. Both of you. I’ll take it from here.”

I finally loosened Yoosung’s arms from around me, as my heart slowed from the pounding, as my chest stopped burning. I held onto one of Yoosung’s hands. 

Hyung stood up slowly. “Thank you, Yoosung.” 

He nodded once, with a small smile. 

# 

I dropped heavily into my own bed. 

I pulled at my hair with both my hands, grabbing at them tightly and strongly, hating myself for turning into something I hated, so easily, so easily. I curled up into a tight ball, still pulling at my hair, forcing a pain that I could feel, any kind of sensation to punish me for turning into what I swore I was not. 

But a warmth came around me again, holding me first at my hands, then running a hand through my hair. 

“I’m here, Saeran. I’m here.” 

He kept saying it over and over, as my body started heaving from all the tears falling onto the bed. 

He cupped a hand to my face, all streaked with tears and warm with the anger that just left me. 

“I’m here, Saeran. I’m here.” 

He never said it would be okay, and I might have done something horrible to him if he did. Because I knew and he knew it would not be okay for either of us anytime soon. 

But he was beside me, holding my face and holding my tears. 

At least there was someone now. 

He quickly drifted off, exhausted from everything. But his kept his hand around mine, holding it tightly. And even in his deep slumber he kept repeating: 

“I’m here, okay. I’m here.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am dreadfully sorry for a four-month interval. I got sucked into the Bungo Stray Dogs fandom. (Well I've been in it for a year but only got into writing for it after its movie came out.) 
> 
> Thank you to all who have been reading this little story over the last few months, thank you. 
> 
> There will probably be one more chapter to this before it formally ends. I promise I'll try that it won't be so many months.

When I opened my eyes, he was still asleep. 

I patted around for my phone, then raised it. Almost noon. I sighed. At least it was a lot of hours given to Yoosung to sleep, after…everything that happened. 

He was still sleeping, but I could sense that the sleep was starting to lift. 

How innocent he looked, when he slept. I was beyond envious. Hyung never looked like that; he often tossed and turned, or he was completely knocked out. But he never looked innocently asleep. I suspect neither did I. We were both instinctively cautious when we sleep. We both had been hurt too much. 

I kept looking at him, starting to turn left and right. But he began to instinctively pat at the bed, searching for something. 

Searching for…me? 

I lay back down, and so his hand found my waist, and wrapped an arm around it. His head rested near my chest. I placed my head over his. 

How could still be so trusting, after all that. How. 

His eyes opened after some more minutes. 

“Saeran.” He breathed in relief, and ended in a sleepy smile. “Hello. ‘Morning.” 

“Noon, actually.” I tried to smile back, but…the hours ago kept haunting me. 

“Oh,” was all he said, as he searched for his own phone, and confirmed the time. “Are you okay?” 

I looked away. I was the one who hurt him, after all. 

“Saeran. It’s okay. You were tired, and surprised by the breach, that’s all.” 

“No, it wasn’t,” I sighed. I sat up. “Yoosung. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I felt the tears forming at the sides, and as they streamed down. “I never want to hurt you, I don’t I don’t. It was just…it was…

Yoosung lifted himself off the sheets. 

He placed a hand over my mouth. 

“Saeran.” 

I paused. 

“Stop.” 

He took off the hand. He moved closer. He closed his eyes. 

He placed his lips over mine. 

He was clearly not used to this, as he half-clumsily kept his lips over mine, as his tongue kept touching and pressing into mine, as he kept tasting my lips, as he kept heavily breathing. But he kept kissing me, and kissing me, and kissing me. 

I returned the kisses, as well as I could. I anchored us together, winding my arms around his waist and onto the small of his back, as his hands wound around my shoulders. 

We were both clumsy, our tongues kept knocking onto each other weirdly, our noses hitting each other. More like, I knew too much about kissing without love in it. I had been too busy, too chemically wired, too angry, to be kissing anybody. He knew nothing about kissing someone, or maybe he did but it didn’t get very far. I did not know. So we kept making mistakes, and yet we kept making the mistakes together, and relished every second. 

I loved him. I was unworthy of it. I know. But I love him. 

We both heard the door open all of a sudden. 

We suddenly pulled away. 

“So sorry!” my brother said. “Please continue.” 

I frowned at him. “Whatever.” 

“Saeran, I am not kidding.” He smiled. “Sorry for the barging in. Just checking if I should already order pizza. Apparently I should. And now I’m leaving. Go back to what you were doing.” 

“What the heck, Seven!” Yoosung added. 

“I’m not gonna tell the RFA, I promise,” he said, giggling as he closed the door again. 

I raised an eyebrow. So did Yoosung. “He’s SO going to tell them,” he said with a deep sigh. 

“I’m sorry about that—“ 

“No, NO!” he swept his hands in front of him. “I’m not embarrassed that RFA will know that we kissed! It’s just that…he’s going to tell them in that crazy silly grand way of his! THAT I can do without!” 

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, definitely.” Then I paused. “Wait. You are alright with them knowing that we kissed?” 

Yoosung smiled. “Yes.” He took up my hand. 

I stared at him, mouth open and eyes wide. 

He kept smiling. He kept holding my hand. 

# 

Pizza was…pizza. Large, circular, divided into wedges, pepperoni, split between the three of us, along with some glazed fried chicken. 

My brother kept looking up at me behind the glasses, Yoosung kept looking at him as he chewed on his chicken, I looked at them both. I felt like I failed both of them. I did not deserve to be with these two people in my life. 

“Jaehee sends her thanks, on behalf of herself and Jumin,” my brother eventually said, while munching. “The problem got controlled, around 6am. Their IT people handled the rest. Jumin promised to send a check, for the job.” 

I sighed and stared at the pizza. So much anger, so much wrath, for quite a little thing. Well, not very little. It was enough to take down the mainframe of one of the largest companies, if allowed to spread. But…it was too little to take down my brother about. 

“Saeran.” He lowered the pizza slice. “Stop worrying about it. We’ll keep learning this.” 

“ ‘Kay,” I said. 

“Yoosung, thanks,” he added. “For keeping an eye on him.” 

He smiled slightly. “I didn’t do much, though.” 

“It was very helpful.” He suddenly bowed like those people in the historical dramas. 

“Yes. It was.” I did not bow as low, but followed after him. 

Then Hyung clapped. “Okay! That’s enough being sad between us. There’s ice-cream bunggeopang in the freezer, there’s cooked-type bunggeopang in the microwave. Take your pick!” 

I smiled at this. Saeyoung’s way of rebounding from literally everything will always astound me. 

“Also! Yoosung! I wasn’t lying about the Final Fantasy XV, if you want a go at it,” he added. 

“Thanks,” Yoosung said, “but do you have any two-players?” 

“I got some, since she came around and since Saeran came here,” Hyung said proudly. “Just look under the TV.” 

“Cool, cool,” Yoosung said with a smile, also relieved that the heavy air had lifted. He nodded toward me. “What do you want to play?” 

My cheeks warmed as he kept his eyes on me. “It’s okay, I’ll be fine with what you pick.” 

His cheeks were red as well. “No, you do the picking.” 

This was when my brother smiled widely at us. We both looked away. 

“I know, I’m embarrassing,” he said to both of us. “But Yoosung, thank you for being here for my brother. Saeran, you’re lucky to have him in your life.” 

I nodded, not knowing what else to say, because I completely, whole-heartedly, agreed, that I had no more words. 

“Go have a good time, you two,” Hyung said. “I’ll deal with the kitchen.” 

“YOU? Deal with the kitchen?” Yoosung chuckled. 

“What? It’s just throwing out stuff!” 

“Because your cleaning lady will handle the rest!” 

“So true, so true,” I added quietly, but as slyly. “Vanderwood will be on your case again.” 

“Get outta here, you two!” Hyung laughed as he shoved us forward, out of the kitchen, into the living room. 

# 

We ended up not playing anything. Yoosung and I. 

We just kept holding hands.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has NSFW, because it couldn't get out of my head that they would. It's not my strong suit, though, so apologies for how it is. But thank you for reading. 
> 
> I don't think also that this is the last-last chapter. Maybe that's the one after this. 
> 
> Thank you again.

He did not go back to his home in the suburbs of the capital yet. There was still grades to wait for, he said. 

We both took advantage of this fact. He hung around our apartment. 

Yoosung wasn't ashamed of me, but we also did not stay long at his dorm. After all, I was not a student of the university, and a stranger there. It was better and safer to hang out where I lived, just to come to it from various places (as my brother suggested). 

# 

Videogame-playing became internet-TV-watching became kissing on the sofa. It had become such a pattern between us that my brother had gotten used to it, and we had gotten so used to him being there that we just kept kissing even as he passed. The only time we relented was when his girlfriend was around. Then it was all videogame-playing. 

It was during one of these lazy afternoons while we were kissing that I realized something. 

And I pulled Yoosung into my bedroom because of it.

My eyes widened. He was hard there, quite hard. 

"It's okay, Saeran," he said, "to touch it." 

I kept staring at him. "Wh-Wh-what?" 

He spelled it out, so plainly I was not sure I was hearing right. "I want you to do me. I want to know how it feels like if it's you." 

My jaw dropped. "Ah-ah-are you sure?" 

He nodded. "I have to warn you though...I tend to drop to sleep soon after I come." 

"So...you've done this before?" 

"Just with myself," Yoosung said, as he placed my hand over his groin. "Please." 

I took a deep breath, as I knelt over him and began to fondle. "Just...tell me if it's okay..."

"Mmm," he murmured, closing his eyes, savoring the touches. 

It was strangely satisfying to watch him purr beneath my hands, his hips starting to grind. 

He opened his eyes again. "Take it off, Saeran, it's okay." 

"You sure?" I asked again. 

"I am sure," he repeated. 

I clumsily managed to unzip and unbutton, then to lower. As soon as I did, one of his hands came down to touch there, I guess to keep the sensations going and not to fade. 

"It's okay, Yoosung, I'll take it from here..." 

"Okay...What about you?" 

I paused. "Me?" 

He looked up at me. "What do you need from me? How do you like it?" 

I fumbled. "Doing this for you should be a lot already, thank you," I said, too politely. 

"Oh, no, no, no, don't be like that..." 

He lifted himself, and unzipped and unbuttoned and lowered. He held on to himself as he started to fondle me, sending some waves of pleasure up to my system. 

We managed to find a half-comfortable position between us, as our hands found their places, as our lips kept locking into each other. The feelings were heady and made me dizzy and cloudy in a good way, even as I knew we were both being very clumsy at this. 

There was a moment when I knew Yoosung was already surrendering to the sensations. His head pulled back from me, as he gasped and gasped, and his hands left my groin. I placed a kiss on his neck, then another, then another, as he continued to moan and hum. 

"Sae--Saeran?" he gasped. "I think..." 

"Hm?" 

"I need to..." 

I smiled, and placed a finger over the base of the shaft, coaxing it further. "Just release." 

"What about you?" 

I alternated kisses with talking, as I kept my hand moving. "Just...doing this for you...is a lot." 

"Thanks, Saeran, really," he said. 

I felt the start of the tremors, as he started to release. I held him close as the warmth escaped him, as the pleasure shook his whole body, as his breath escaped him, as his body grew slack in my arms. 

"You are loved, Saeran," he said, drowsily, as his head lowered and leaned onto my shoulder. 

"And I love you, Yoosung," I said, as I lay him over the bed, placing a kiss on his forehead. 

# 

I cleaned him as best as I could as he slept, then I showered. 

It was only after I showered that I realized that I was also spent from what happened, and lay with him for the afternoon. 

But I woke up earlier, and walked into the living room, just staring at our wide TV, not even on, wondering about what just happened. 

"Why are you zoning out like sex is a bad thing?" Hyung asked as he passed. 

I rolled my eyes. Of course he had heard. 

"You scared that you've reached a next level?" he asked. 

"I...don't know," I answered. 

"Please stop worrying," Hyung said, smiling. "Yoosung is a good guy to have. I'm glad you're on a next level." 

"Um...okay?" I raised an eyebrow. "Can you stop now?" 

He chuckled. "Okay. Okay."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This final chapter is NSFW, but again I'm not particularly graphic about things. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this thing. I apologize for the months-long intervals, but again thank you for reading this rarepair and liking. 
> 
> I'm not sure if there will be more from me about them, but I have no regrets writing for them, it has been wonderful.

Unknown, the revered LOLOL avatar, did not appear as often anymore on the servers. This allowed other players to dominate individual servers, which resulted in several high-profile e-sports acquisitions, widely reported on the e-sports news blogs and social media accounts. But when Unknown appeared, often with an equally strong healer mage, records got erased. Not by hacking, but by sheer strength of ability. Suddenly any high scores made by well-known LOLOL players were wiped out, or went down to second or third place, to be replaced by a player that appeared out of nowhere, taking down enemies swiftly and definitively. 

I did not play on LOLOL as often or as long as before. Sure, I opened it almost every day and maybe played for several hours on the weekends. But my regular party definitely could tell when big class projects and midterms came. I had made a promise to be a better student, to be a better person. I made that promise every day. 

And yet, when my schedule and Saeran's aligned, when neither of us was busy with school or computer intelligence work...one of the servers knew when that happened. 

#

There were also those Friday evenings when Saeran would appear at my dorm, carrying a small bouquet of flowers. I sort-of crash-coursed the meanings of most of the common bouquet flowers, but I still never managed to master what any particular bouquet meant as a whole. And I told him so. 

"It's okay," he kept telling me. "I like the challenge." 

The small set had several orange roses and several blooms of the rose of Sharon. His smile was shy but his eyes danced. 

I let him into the room. "Okay, what do they mean?" 

He placed the bouquet on the table, then quickly placed a hand at the small of my back. With the other hand he cupped my face and landed several deep kisses. "Passion. Consumed by love." 

OH. So I guessed no MMORPG-gaming was going to happen tonight. Not...that I was complaining. That last deep kiss was...The hand on my back was warm and...I could no longer think straight. 

"We haven't chatted much this week," he whispered into my ear as he planted kisses all over my neck. "I missed you." 

"Sorry," I said, starting to breathe heavily as his chest came close to mine. "So many announced, important quizzes. We...needed to study for them. They would matter for the midterm grade. You were...busy, too, right?" 

Between us, Saeran was usually the one who led, asking me if each touch and each movement felt good. In return, I tried to savor these evenings as well as possible, to tell him he was doing well. Sometimes we did things together so it was fair. But I suppose this was not one of those nights. I was already beginning to feel warm, and bothered, and hard. 

Saeran kissed the end of my neck, the meeting of my shoulder blades, then lifted himself up to my ears to whisper. "How do you want it, Yoosung?" 

I just loved when he was completely in control. He felt confident, and when he was, he was incredible. I had no problems about surrendering to this confidence. "However you want. I want to...dream about you." 

"On the bed, then," he crooned. 

"Okay." 

He undressed me, undershirt first, kissing my pectorals and my areolae....(What? I learn animal anatomy. I know the human equivalents.)....Then he went lower, to my umbilical area, my hypogastric area. 

I closed my eyes, to better feel everything. My upper body tingled with the sensations, incredibly eager for him to get lower. 

I opened my eyes. "Come up for a bit; I want to kiss you." 

Saeran had knelt in front of me. I lowered my head and locked my lips with his. I kissed him long and deep, hoping to show how good it had felt. He held me well as he returned the kisses. 

It was after I kissed him when I looked down and realized how much I seriously wanted and needed him, touching me, pleasuring me, where I most needed it. 

Then he lowered my pajamas, then underwear. By then...I couldn't give the proper anatomic terms anymore, as he lowered me onto the bed. 

My eyes had closed again, as if to start this dream I wanted. My legs spread for him, my hips lifted for him, as I filled with need. 

He rolled a condom over me. Then his tongue darted around, savoring it, savoring me. He worked through the whole shaft, making me more desperate, more needy. The pleasure started to mount, filling me. 

Then he slowed. He kept a hand over and around the shaft, slowing the pleasure, but keeping it there. 

He voice came close to my ear. "I want to come into you. I want to be in you." 

In response, my body opened even more for him. "Hurry up," I said, as my arms spread, as my upper body arched to raise my hips. 

Slowly, carefully, I sensed him enter me, carefully pressing onto my prostate. I felt his hips pressed onto mine. He kept a hand around my shaft, maintaining the pleasure there. 

Soon our bodies moved as one, my brain and body surrendering to the sensations, surrendering coherence as we moved together, seeking pleasure for both ourselves and each other. I felt him harden well inside me, which only made the sensations from there more felt, more urgent. I felt his hand and his body around my hardness, moving against it, increasing this sense that I was losing all control and that was perfectly fine. 

I had no idea how many more moments passed, but our movements quickened, as the pleasure truly started to rise in both of us and between us. I sensed my hips and my body rise even higher, as if lifting itself to heaven, giving itself even more to him. 

And before I knew it, I had reached that peak, my whole body feeling the release, my whole self starting to float. Soon after me, Saeran also released, and I am grateful that both of us got satisfied from this. 

Saeran kept his hand on me and my groin, stroking it gently, as the pleasure made itself felt completely, floating to a gentle drift, as I glided to deep sleep from it. I knew I was damp with sweat all over, but by now, I knew not to worry about it. He would take care of it. 

"Sleep, and dream, my star," he whispered as I drifted. 

# 

Of course, it wasn't so hot all the time. Most of the time it was just him and me being quiet and doing stuff together. Walking around the mall. Playing LOLOL, whether in one place or in separate places. Sometimes eating pizza at Seven's apartment. Sometimes playing console games then kissing on their sofa. Walking through the flower market and picking out flowers. Walking around the university complex, walking through grass and buildings, while holding hands. 

"Yoosung." 

"Hm?" 

"I will stay." 

I stopped walking. "What do you mean?" 

"Hyung said, this course of yours will take four years. And if you plan to be an animal doctor, that is four years more." 

"Yes...?"

"I will stay. I want to stay. For as many years as you need." 

I looked at him carefully. "But...what if you and Seven get in....trouble...because of me?" 

"We will try our best not to get in trouble. But even so. I will stay." 

"Okay," I said. "Saeran." 

"Yes?" 

"So will I. I will stay, for you. Always." 

"But...school? And parents? And...and..." 

"I make the same promise to you. No matter what my parents say, and what others say. I will stay for you. Always." 

Saeran nodded. 

I clasped the hand I held. He squeezed my hand in return. 

And we promised ourselves for always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> source: http://www.languageofflowers.com/flowermeaning.htm
> 
> EK out. Thank you so much for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for all the vagueness of the terms. I know friends and relatives who play MMORPGs but I don't play myself. But thank you for reading all the same.


End file.
